Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Star Wars Denominations

Sometimes, we just need to laugh (at ourselves, I mean). Keeps us humble and less anal-retentive about our denomination's "distinctions".
Lutheran and Reformed are like Obi-Wan and Darth Vader--they're both really cool and have the Force, but the Reformed have to be all sinister and scary about it.

The Baptists are Han Solo. They're pretty cool I guess, but no Force powers and lose my interest fast.

Liberals (PCUSA, United Methodists, ELCA) are Jar Jar Binks. They somehow escaped from a cartoon and are in our universe. Go away.

Arminians are C-3P0. I don't think it needs too much explanation.

Charismatics are R2D2. They live in their own universe, no one understands anything they say, and they hang out with the Arminians a lot.

Anglicans are Lando Calrissian. You're not sure whose side they're playing for, but when they get their act together, they usually come out with the good guys.

The Catholics are the Storm Troopers because there are basically eight quadrillion of them, so you really can't ignore them. The Pope is the Emperor.

The Orthodox are the Ewoks. They're really weird and do weird things, no one really knows much about them, but you gotta love 'em because those hats are just so cute. And the Storm Troopers tried to kill them once.

Oh yeah...and the megachurches are the Trade Federation from Episode I. They're huge, there are a lot of them, but man, they're just not that cool and you wonder why they even got written into the plot at all because the Storm Troopers are way cooler.

Televangelism is Jabba the Hutt.

I totally forgot the Independent Fundamental Born-Again Separated KJV-Only Baptists. They can be that sleazy little flying alien running the used podracer parts shop in Episode I. I can't stand that guy. Or better yet, Anakin Skywalker from the same movie. Eh, just make any of the annoying characters (other than Jar Jar) the Fundies.
So, which Star Wars character would the Vineyard be (and why)?

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