#metoo—WWJD?

Imagine the Sermon on the Mount’s original audience, gathered on a hillside, listening with rapt attention as Jesus preaches. Now, picture an intense, furrow-browed guy in the front row, sorta like the rich young ruler (Mark 10:17–22), raising his hand for an impromptu Q&A with Jesus ...

* * *

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.” ~ Jesus of Nazareth (Matthew 5:27–29)

Gouge out my eyes to avoid lust? Dang, Jesus, isn’t that just a little, you know, extreme? I’m not trying to tell you how to do your job — I mean, you being God ’n’ all — but couldn’t you suggest something a little more … um, reasonable?

I have a few suggestions:

1. How about blaming the woman for how she’s dressed?
2. Or maybe toss in a few words to the effect of, “boys will be boys?”
3. Just say something — anything, really — that deflects the responsibility from us guys and put the blame ’n’ shame on someone else.

What’s that? Yeah, I remember the story of Job — he’s one of our Torah heroes! What’s Job got to do with anything? 

“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman.” ~ Job (Job 31:1)

Is that all Job said, Jesus? Really? Nothing about how women are dressed, or ... 

Look, Jesus, I really don’t think you understand. Yeah, you bet I’m getting frustrated! What else do you expect, when you keep throwing all the responsibility back on us guys? 

Who? Paul the Apostle? Never heard of him — wait, what do you mean by “spoiler alert?”

“When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures ... But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control ... Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there.” ~ Paul the Apostle (Galatian. 5:19–25)

Okay, Jesus, I’ve tried to be patient, but you clearly have an anti-male bias. I’d like to get a second opinion, if you don’t mind. 

Ask Lucifer? Great idea — where can I find him?