Denominations, According to Star Wars

It’s good to enjoy a solid laugh at our own expense sometimes. Keeps us humble and less anal-retentive about our denominational “distinctions.” Plus, I’ve always been something of a Star Wars nerd.

FYI: I didnt write this, but it was too much fun not to re-post. I wonder if any of these characters could function as patron saints for each denomination?

*   *   *

Lutheran and Reformed are like Obi-Wan and Darth Vader – they’re both really cool and have the Force, but the Reformed have to be all sinister and scary about it.

The Baptists are Han Solo. They’re pretty cool I guess, but no Force powers and lose my interest fast.
Liberals (PCUSA, United Methodists, ELCA) are Jar Jar Binks. They somehow escaped from a cartoon and are in our universe. Go away.

Arminians are C-3P0. I don’t think that needs too much explanation.

Charismatics are R2D2. They live in their own universe, no one understands anything they say, and they hang out with the Arminians a lot.

Anglicans are Lando Calrissian. You’re not sure whose side they’re on, but when they get their act together, they usually come out with the good guys.

Catholics are the Storm Troopers because there are basically eight quadrillion of them, so you really can't ignore them. The Pope is the Emperor.

The Orthodox are the Ewoks. They’re really weird and do weird things, no one really knows much about them, but you gotta love ’em because those hats are just so cute. And the Storm Troopers tried to kill them once.

Oh, yeah … Megachurches are the Trade Federation from The Force Awakens. They’re huge, there are a lot of them, but man, they’re just not that cool and you wonder why they even got written into the plot at all because the Storm Troopers are way cooler.

Televangelism is Jabba the Hutt.

Oops, I almost forgot the Independent Fundamentalist Born-Again Separated KJV-Only Baptists. They can be Watto, that sleazy little flying alien running the used podracer parts shop. I can't stand that guy. Or better yet, Anakin Skywalker from the same movie. Eh, just make any of the annoying characters (other than Jar Jar) the Fundies.

Robby here again, just checking in and quietly wondering which Star Wars character most resembles the Vineyard …

Popular Posts